....Welcome to

you bored piece of sh*t!!!....

Hello, my name is Alex and i'm...

I LOVE HOW RANDOM ONLINERS ASK ME TO "ADD" THEM SO WE CAN NEVER CHAT AGAIN AND I CAN LOOK AT THEIR MUTATED PIC EVERYTIME I GO THROUGH MY FRIEND'S LIST JUST SO THEY CAN NOW HAVE "2,391 friends." (NETWORKING PURPOSES, of course!), i LuV t33naGerS wHo tYpE LiKe Di$!, I LOVE HOW MOST MySPACE PROFILES CAN MAKE EVEN BILL GATES' COMPUTER CRASH! (Do we REALLY NEED to load 4 slideshows, a background image, a corny KTU song, and/or 6 youtube videos?), I LOVE HOW SOME GAY PEOPLE HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING GAY (OK, WE GET IT...YOU TAKE IT UP THE ASS!), I LOVE WHEN THE AUDIENCE OF JERRY SPRINGER CHANTS THINGS LIKE, "TOOTHLESS WHORE!" (makes me proud to be American), I LOVE HOW MY ARAB TAXI DRIVERS HAVE AMERICAN FLAGS IN THEIR WINDSHIELD LIKE THEY GIVE TWO SHITS ABOUT THE STARS AND STRIPES! (Bilal, it's ok, I care as much as you DON'T...so it's all good), I LOVE HOW THE MEXICANS IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD BRING THEIR 5 KIDS TO THE LAUNDROMAT LIKE IT'S A FUCKIN DAY CARE CENTER MAKING LAUNDRYDAY MAGICAL FOR ALL, I LOVE HOW NEGATIVE COPS ARE NOWADAYS! "WHERE'S THE POSITIVE FEEDBACK, OFFICER?! DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY RED LIGHTS I COULD HAVE RAN? HOW MANY UNDERAGE GIRLS I COULD HAVE FUCKED? GIMME SOME POINTS! WHERE'S MY CUT?!, I LOVE HOW GHETTO I GET WHEN WALKING DOWN BROADWAY AND SEEING ALL THE ATTRACTIVE WOMAN (I GO FROM ZERO TO PUERTO RICAN IN ABOUT 4.5 SECONDS, "EXCUSE ME LOVELY LADY, HI THERE BEAUTIFUL...YO MA YO MA YO MA, WHAS GOOD?! CAN I SUCK THEM TOES, LIGHTSKIN?!", I LOVE WHEN MY GIRLFRIEND CALLS ME ONCE A MONTH TELLING ME SHE GOT HER PERIOD! "WHEW, THAT WAS A CLOSE ONE. I MEAN, I'M NOT A VERY VIOLENT PERSON BUT I GET VERY EXCITED KNOWING MY GIRLFRIEND IS HOME BLEEDING!", I LOVE WHEN I RECOGNIZE SOMEONE I SEEN AT A PARTY FROM THEIR FACEBOOK TAGGED PHOTOS, "DONT I KNOW YOU FROM SOMEWHERE? HAVENT I SEEN YOU ON INTERNET EXPLORER 8.0?", I LOVE HOW CHEAP IT IS TO RAISE A CHILD IN INDONESIA! IF MY GIRL EVER GETS PREGNANT WHERE MOVING BECAUSE ACCORDING TO SALLY STRUTHERS AND THE CHILDREN FUND, IT ONLY COSTS ABOUT 75 CENTS A DAY TO RAISE LITTLE MARIA!, I LOVE HOW CRAZY INTERNET PORN IS GETTING, I MEAN, IT'S ONE THING TO EXPLAIN THE "BIRDS AND THE BEES" BUT ITS A WHOLE NOTHER STORY TRYING TO EXPLAIN BEASTIALITY, "WELL HONEY, WHEN A BIG STRONG HORSE AND A WOMAN FALL IN LOVE FOR ABOUT 35 MINUTES, THEY WANT TO MAKE A MOVIE, BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, THE WOMAN WANTS TO MAKE SOME MONEY."

side notes: i love soccer, late night munchies.
oh yeah, and granny porn.
:(

Hey focker, check out one of my funny videos!

Pothead Cook teaches you how to tackle "LOS MUNCHIES":

Jamaica's art of dancehall dryhumping:

Do you like Soccer?
Have you seen those crazy freestyle football videos?
NOT LIKE THIS ONE:

Ladies, hate it when guys try to "hollar?"
This guy is the master of cat calling :

Do you need help losing weight?
Well, a few years ago I made this in efforts to help:

So I work at a restaurant and our kitchen staff plays music all day
(to keep them sane so they don't kill the owner) and one day
we heard this hilarious song called, "Estoy Enamorada."
Its about young Mexican girl from LA who's in love
with a cholo (gansta) and her father doesn't approve. :(

After watching our dishwasher/deliveryboy Pedro sing all the lyrics
I thought, "I HAVE TO MAKE A VIDEO FOR THIS!"

So I watched the original video and it was even funnier than the song!

LONG STORY SHORT:

Pretty gay, huh? Whatever! it's funny and YOU KNOW IT.

 

Special thanks to my two biggest influences:
alcohol & marijuana.

tee hee, thanks guys!
:)

Here is my only Stand Up Comedy video available online
from NEW TALENT NIGHTS at Gothem & New York Comedy club in Manhattan:

(sorry but its mad old.)

 

 

Sooooo you found my website, huh?

I was trying to keep it a secret,
but uhhhh… I guess the “cat’s out the bag.”

 

Or maybe...
the bag’s in the cat?!

(makes you think)

Unfortunately for you though, this website is "under construction."
:(

Sorry my frenchos, but I have a satisfying job
& pretty demanding social life (yes, I’m trying to sound cool)
so this neglected url will just HAVE to do!

(Mikey likes it.)

HEY! Check out my videos on YOUTUBE profile!

"I never scare!"

 

(that was Mauro)

 

 

(he's drunk again)

Regardless, he's never scared.

 

~((O_o))~

Facebook tags get me excited, ladies!!!

If you'd like to contact me, email Alex@Makefunnotwar.com or click HERE

DONT click HERE

Or HERE

or here

or here

i don't know what's worse:
- the fact that I actually created those links.
- or the fact that you kept clicking.
?

 

STILL BORED?!

Well, here's some "Sit Down Comedy" I wrote about the time i broke my hand:

So for those of you who don't already know, I broke my hand recently.  (NO, NOT from jerking off!) I know, I know! Who still breaks their hand? Well, apparently grown men children still do. And it was the right hand too! It's a bigger deal then I realized. First off, remember when a gallon of milk was heavy? Then you got older and stronger and felt like Superman pouring cereal all over the place. Well, guess what? A gallon of milk is heavy again! Makes me feel REAL manly asking my grandma to help me with my Lucky Charms. But it wasn't really so much with pain that was the problem...but more importantly with my nightly activities.  Trying to get dressed is bad but tying your shoelaces is the worst. FUGGETABOUTIT! It takes like an hour! I'm like a three year old with a bowl of pasta and no fork.  Then you get to the club and that's when the REAL fun begins. Half the people are staring at you like, "what the fuck is he doing here? Why is he not home…HEALING?"   The other half wants to know the story behind your accident. "What happened? What happened to your arm?" But you've told the story so many times that you're sick of it. I swear, you're better off just handing out cards that explain the accident to avoid about 17 minutes of useless conversation. "Just read that so we can enjoy our night. Thanks!"  And the last thing you wanna is do get into a fight.  An eight year old could fuck you up! So you gotta be REALLY nice to everyone, apologizing for everything. Someone bangs into you and spills your drink all ove the floor, you gotta be like,"my fault. I shouldn't have been stuck in that crowd." Someone takes your seat, "my bad, I shouldn't have used the bathroom tonight." And women are mean too. I mean, what girl wants to talk to "brokenhand guy?" He can't even pick up his drink. Gotta hold it with two hands like its a bowl of porridge.  But if you get lucky, you meet a nice, drunk NYU girl. Last thing she feels is self conscious about is YOUR cast. The thing is, you wanna take her home except…mmrightttttt. Yep! just you…her…oh yeah! and you're large, hard white cast.   Could you imagine? There's only so much you could do. You better hope she (a) isn't lazy and/or (b) is really, really freaky! And if that doesn't happen and you end up alone, you better have a lot of patience with that left hand. The only positive of the night comes when you see someone else injured. There's a silent bond. You look at each other and just nod. It's like when a black guy goes to an all white party and then he see's "the other brother." Anything happens, we got each other's back, right? Afterall, two handicapped people equal one healthy!

 

Indian Street Fighters could kill you:

 

(_) )===D ~ ~ ~ ~ ({})
i'm an artist if you haven't noticed.

NO seriously...
Do you like Photoshop?
Well than scroll down and check out my "photoshop phunnies"
mixed with some of my random photos!

 

Drunk or dead?

 

 

oh yea, I was in a commercial. well two to be exact!

(right click below and press PLAY)
NIKE:

FOOTLOCKER:








GOODBYE!

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